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I really wouldn't know what to say or where to begin and I would feel awful at this time of year too 😕 😩 but I know what you mean. He does deserve to know.

Just tell him what you know. You could wait after Xmas but trust me and the SI long timers, disclosure is humane and crucial.

I suggest you demand that he goes to HR with a complaint about her. You demand that he tells HR to formally communicate to her in writing that she is to have no contact with your husband unless it is work related. Demand that she signs something to this effect and he receives a copy of it to show to you

If he is unwilling to go to HR that, in my opinion, says he wants to continue to communicate with her.

The only reason I found out what my wife was doing is because I trusted my gut. A long time ago I worked for a private investigator and the best advice I ever received in life was Kid, trust your gut, if something feels off it probably is.

Until he ceases all communication with her you are rightfully going to be suspicious

You are absolutely Justified that he no longer attends any work socials. He put himself into this situation and now he gets to deal with the consequences. If he balks or pushes back that tells you that he values the social interaction more than saving his marriage

An affair causes permanent changes in a relationship. I now have a rule that my wife does not attend any mixed social events without me present. I was never comfortable with coworkers going out drinking after work because the majority of Affairs start with co-workers. Add in a social setting and alcohol and trouble begins

Someone who is 100% committed to reconciliation will drag his or her bare butt through broken glass if need be

WB1340, going to HR is a bad idea. If KCK's husband's relationship with the OW is still ongoing, he would be fired for making a complaint against OW in bad faith. Also, HR's priority is to protect the company, not manage the personal lives of employees. The company is not going to open themselves up to liability by trying to force OW to sign a no-contact agreement. At best, they can try to relocate them to separate parts of the building, but that's not always feasible (if they work in a restaurant or the service industry, for example). More likely than not, they will determine that it's KCK's WH that is creating the hostile work environment and get rid of him.

KCK, if your husband doesn't want to get a new job, then he's really not giving you any other option except divorce. Workplace affairs often blow up in people's faces spectacularly, causing embarrassment, damaged reputation, and difficulty getting another job in the future. OW (whether to save her job or her marriage) might even accuse your husband of being the harasser if she needs to cover her ass (either with work or her husband).

It's better that you get out while your husband is still gainfully employed and in a position to pay you alimony and/or child support. You don't want him crying poverty in the middle of a divorce.